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A.S.D.F - Comedy Police RP. (INVITE ONLY. P.m. me.)

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Postby HowlinJimmyJefferson » July 2nd, 2010, 1:35 pm

"Ack! Sniper rifle's not even properly calibrated." Jason said, as he hurriedly stuffed a mess of bolts and attachments into his bag. "There's no time for that now!" Sylvia said, as she tried to hurry Jason, almost pulling him off his feet. "Easy lass! Be delicate!" responding to Sylvia's sudden strength.
"What at a time like this? We can romanticize afterwards."
"No, it's not that, I just don't want you to break my gun..."
Had there been time Sylvia would have considered slapping Jason. Although--no, that would be too pre-school. She would consider a fully focused roundhouse kick. He was a big man, he could take it. This would have to wait, though. They already seemed to be under fire.
"This is...kind of exciting, don't you think?"
"Aye. Cal? You comin', mate?" Jason shouted at the boy who seemed to be frozen stiff.
Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
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Postby Coeur » July 2nd, 2010, 3:32 pm

"Eh? Y-yeah I guess so." He quickly snatched a vest off the table and threw it on over his t-shirt, buttoning and then zipping the front of it. He hald fell - half leaned on the counter as he strapped the metal plates to his knees. "This is going to stop bullets!?" He felt the need to ask, never having honestly expected to go against real life enemies. Didn't most police officers just patrol and eat donuts!?

"This is Captain Belmont to rookies. Get down here YESTERDAY!" A voice boomed out over a PA system, startling them. The urgency was muted somewhat by the sounds of a man complaining that such an act wasn't possible, followed by the sound of flesh meeting flesh... painfully.

"Guess that's our ride..." Calvin muttered miserably, looking at the elevator which had just dinged open. For some reason it looked ominous to him.
But of all Pain, the greatest Pain.
It is to love, but love in vain.
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Postby HowlinJimmyJefferson » July 3rd, 2010, 5:49 am

"Alright, that lift's not waitin' around all day for us, let's move it!" commanded Jason. They rushed through the open doors and watched Jason fumble with the decaying buttons as the doors closed.
"Um...is this thing stable?" Sylvia worriedly asked. Not a single part of the lift looked like it hadn't sustained abuse of some sort. The doors were bent so even when they were locked there was enough room for a hand to fit through. The walls surrounding the shaft were rotten. Parts of it seemed to have been blown off, showing a vast array of wires. The floor looked like it would give in under their weight at any minute.
The lift jolted uncomfortably as command "ground floor" was finally recognised. Rather than smoothly descending, it seemed to drop in intervals.
"Heh, almost there," Sylvia said nervously, as she looked at the flickering light that now moved in between "G" and "1". And then, perhaps through bitter irony, the light died like a candle in the wind. It only took seconds before the rest of the lights also made their departure, leaving the team almost in total darkness.
"...You've gotta be shittin' me!" Jason said.
Last edited by HowlinJimmyJefferson on July 5th, 2010, 7:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
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Postby Coeur » July 3rd, 2010, 1:01 pm

"Yeah-yeah, we'll be there soon." Laura spoke into the walkie talkie installed into the APC. Half leaning in, half out of the passenger door. "Yes I realise this is a combat- Yes! I realise it is a civillian structure... yes... with all due respect sir, don't you think it's more important to save lives than worry over damage? Well yes... David will be coming... no, he needs some weapons... Well.. yeah but.." This continued for a while as David leaned against the driver's door, idly looking at his black Beretta M1932. The rookies were quite late it seemed.

Walking over to a wall he pressed a button on an intercom, leaning close.

"This is Lieutenant David Gaines. Find an intercom and press the button, where are you people? We have people to kill." It had been ages since he had last seen action. Almost half a week in fact. He wasn't about to have a bunch of new recruits cost him this chance to kick some !$!.

"Hellloooooo?" He echoed into the system.
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Postby HowlinJimmyJefferson » July 4th, 2010, 10:07 am

(OK, might have made a mistake in my post. Was David not with them when they went down the elevator?)
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Postby Coeur » July 5th, 2010, 6:15 am

(Eh no, he ran off with laura earlier. - Calvin is in there...)
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Postby HowlinJimmyJefferson » July 5th, 2010, 7:08 pm

Hmm, trapped in total darkness with an exotic Russian woman, a big black man and...oh yeah, Calvin. Nonetheless, still very erotic! Ugh, what am I thinking? We have a mission to start! After a minute of silence an idea sprung. "I can override the system. This metal looks pretty thin, and it's already sustained enough damage to cut through it. Ania, see if you can cut through the metal here, you should find the lift's back up controls. Jason, get whatever tools you were using with your rifle earlier, you may need to repair the wires if we can't override it. And Calvin..." she gave him a warm smile. "You just sit tight, honey."
"How do you know all of this? I just thought you liked to throw knives."
"I learned to hack computers from an early age, my SIS training further enhanced my knowledge."
"Heh, a lass who loves computers. Every nerd's dream girlfriend."
It may have been dark but Jason knew her eyebrows were raised.
"Uh, but um...the knife fetish-thing is cool, too--"
"I don't see those tools I told you to get."
"Yeah, neither do I, it's still pretty dark in here."
Cheeky bastard.
Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
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Postby Coeur » July 7th, 2010, 7:17 am

Sighing at the lack of response, David spared a look towards his captain, who was still busy beating down a politician. He knew better than to interrupt those conversations. That meant he would have to start solving this problem himself.

Somewhere an angel died.

Walking towards the elevator he pressed the switch, planning to ride it up and see what was taking them so long. A few seconds passed before he realised the switch hadn't so much as lit up. Well this IS an old elevator... and it's taken some serious abuse... A further look at the dial above the doors showed that it was stuck on the number 1.

A quick elbow to the control panel knocked off the metal plate, both revealing the extra buttons inside, and the reason why the elevator was so abused. Pressing the emergancy open, the doors in front of him creaked aside.

An empty elevator shaft faced him.

"Yo!" He yelled into it, somewhat wary to actually put his head inside, lest irony take a sudden fancy to him. "You guys in there?"
But of all Pain, the greatest Pain.
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Postby Coeur » July 7th, 2010, 7:20 am

Oh wow, I'm trapped in a cramped elevator shaft in total darkness with two smoking babes! And a huge black man. But TWO babes... that's like a set of chesticles each!

Now all he needed was to engineer a way to brush up against one of these lovelies, and preferably not grab solid black arse.
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Postby DanteSilver » July 8th, 2010, 2:07 pm

Cut through it?! With what... Ania thought as she shrugged with her pistols in hand. "I don't carry blades like you do sister, though..." she said absentmindedly as she pointed her guns towards the the damaged section. Here goes nothing, and she fired repeatedly, the bullets punching holes through the metal... only to reveal more metal reinforcing the reinforced metal.

Ania bit her tongue in anger as she holstered her pistols, "What I would give for the railgun right now... oh wait, I was told to leave it -" she said more to herself than to anyone in the elevator before she heard the voice shout down to them. "D'you guys hear that?"
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Postby HowlinJimmyJefferson » July 8th, 2010, 7:07 pm

"Try this, Ania," Sylvia said, handing her one of the combat knives David had left her and guiltily remembering she hadn't actually given her a tool to cut with. "We'd better speed this up. I think I hear shouting below." She switched on Jason's emergency flashlight to take a better look at the wiring, which surprisingly, was intact. Perhaps it was just old...
"Yeah, we're gonna have to override this. Ania, we're gonna need those controls for the back-up generator. Jason, that wire needs connecting too. Repaired it yet?"
"Hold on, I've jus' about got it. This'd be a lot easier if you'd give me a wee bit'a space. I know it's a bit comfy in here, but..."
Slyvia shined the flashlight in his face.
"Eh? Watch were yer pointin' that thing, lass..." and then it dawned on him, "hold on, if you and Ania are there then-- CAL?! What on EARTH are you doing, mate?!"
Sylvia almost collapsed on the floor in a fit of giggles.
Last edited by HowlinJimmyJefferson on June 22nd, 2011, 8:37 am, edited 1 time in total.
Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
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Postby Coeur » July 9th, 2010, 1:04 pm

God fuckng damn, epic fail... Calvin mused to himself, it wasn't like he could see anything in this pitch dark.

"I can't see anything!" He protested, thankful that any blush was hidden by the gloom.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile downstairs David raised an eyebrow to himself. He could hear giggling. What the hell were they doing in there?? At least he definitely knew they were trapped in the elevator like he thought.

The elevator had taken a huge amount of punishment over the years but unfortunately they weren't allowed to replace it, within ASDF budget, unless it was beyond repair.

That said...

Idly he looked at the elevator cables attached to the floor, strong steel, they acted like a pulley system to raise and lower the elevator system. Surely they could handle a small drop? He mused, as he fingered a fragmentation grenade.

And this would probably count as beyond repair.

Sometimes, he was just too good.
But of all Pain, the greatest Pain.
It is to love, but love in vain.
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Postby HowlinJimmyJefferson » June 22nd, 2011, 8:58 am

"OK, almost done! We should be online just about...n--"
A loud bang interrupted Sylvia's words. Were they already under fire? There was no time to think as the elevator raced down the remainder of the shaft, firmly lodging itself in anything that was meant to serve as an emergency stop. Their lungs choked on the dust and smoke as their nostrils filled with the smell of blown electronics and burnt metal. They stumbled to their feet.
"Ow...uh...well, that's one way to do it, I guess."
"Aye, but damn, I've had hangovers worse than this."
A small crack of light was now visible through the horribly bent and broken doors. As the right door was shifted aside, the light turned out to be a torch, held by a man with a maniacal grin; the type of grin only achieved by someone who was as proud with themselves as they were insane.
"I don't even-"
"Calv, you're on fire, pal!" Jason exclaimed.
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Postby Coeur » June 22nd, 2011, 9:20 am

"I'm fully aware of that." Calvin wanted to say. "Would you lend me a hand?" Was another thought that crossed his mind.

Unfortunately all that came from his mouth was a strangled "Waaaaaghhhhh!!!!!" A loud metallic thump echoed as he threw himself to the floor and started rolling around the confined space. "Do something!" He shouted past the pain.

"I don't have my camera on me." David mused, sighing in lament as he stepped forward. "Relax, I'll stamp it out." There were winces all round as he repeatedly brought his booted foot down on the poor man. The nervous spectators shared glances as though wondering who would first speak. Luckily they were interrupted.

"What the hell are you all doing?" Laura Belmont shouted angrily, her diminutive stature cast aside by the pure ice in her voice. "We have a mission, and I find you here.... playing!" She threw her arm towards the metallic APC, the comicky logo of the ASDF on the side of it, a smiling and friendly looking alien with a crosshair on its forehead. "Just get in the truck, David, you're driving."
But of all Pain, the greatest Pain.
It is to love, but love in vain.
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Postby HowlinJimmyJefferson » June 22nd, 2011, 12:45 pm

They all took a second to stare at the APC. Sylvia and Jason exchanged looks, wondering if what looked like a glorified toy would actually protect them from the fire of what had now become a heated battlefield. The time passed quickly, though. Jason hauled up an only partly extinguished Calvin, and they all rushed to the APC. What could possibly go wrong in just few metres?
"GRENADE!" screamed Sylvia.
"Eh? I've got this one, lass! Duck!"
Jason, dropping Calvin like a tonne of bricks, flipped his sniper rifle so the business end was held in his hands.
"Take this, yer prancin' dandies!"
As the handle of Jason's rifle struck the grenade, the group's first reaction was to instantly go prone. Logic dictated they should have died. But they hadn't. Sylvia watched in disbelief as the grenade flew back to it's owner, while Jason and David stopped in mid-high five as they saw the deadpan look on Laura's face.
"Ladies first." Jason gestured, as they boarded the APC.
Sylvia stopped. "You could have gotten us killed..."
"Nah, it was jus' like rounders."
Laura and Sylvia had swapped looks.
"Tch, guess ye've never played rounders..." said Jason, not taking the hint.
"Jason?"
"Aye?"
"Where's your scope?"
Jason's grin quickly faded as he looked down at his rifle, remembering he hadn't calibrated, or for that matter, reassembled his gun.
"...s**t"
Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
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