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A.S.D.F - Comedy Police RP. (INVITE ONLY. P.m. me.)

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Postby Coeur » May 29th, 2010, 7:04 pm

This is our new recruit? Laura wondered to herself, watching the undeniably attractive woman approach. For a brief moment she felt a surge of inadequacy, as she saw how many sizes the woman was larger than her in the chest department. Other than that, she looked quite professional. And to even become a lieutenant in MI:6, meant you had to be good at what you did.

"You are Sylvia Klingenberg, correct? I am afraid upon transferal to the ASDF you will be granted the rank of Private once more. But I can assure you that the pay more than compensates for that." It would as well, risking your life on a daily basis paid quite well, not even including expenses... which David took a little far...

Regardless, Laura held her hand out for the woman.

"My name is Captain Laura Belmont, and this is Lieutenant David Gaines. Welcome to the A.S.D.F. We need to pick up someone else en route to the base, but welcome anyway."

Who knows? Maybe this woman would be normal.
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Postby HowlinJimmyJefferson » May 29th, 2010, 7:47 pm

Sylvia shook her hand, smiling genuinely for the first time in a while. ‘It’s a pleasure to meet you, Captain Belmont.’ She tried her best to not to behave in her usual sensual way. New job, new people, new record, new rank. It was the fresh start she hoped for. Perhaps now she could finally get her life back on track. However, she couldn’t help but notice how sexually attractive these two were. Laura was a petite blonde haired, blue eyed women with tight body, noticeable even through uniform. “mmm, I do like a woman who keeps in shape”. Then there was David. Everything about this man simply shouted “sex god”, from the light brown beard to the toned body he kept under his uniform. Oh, how she looked forward to getting to know these two...in more ways than one. ‘It’s nice to meet you too, Lieutenant Gaines.’ She held out her hand to him smiling.
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Postby Coeur » May 29th, 2010, 8:24 pm

"Hey." David shot back, slapping her palm instead of shaking it. "Can we move Captain? There's like fifteen people watching us out the windows... Plus I'm bored."

Laura rolled her eyes but gave in to his request, motioning to the car with one arm as she went round into the driver's seat. Where the woman would sit was a given, since David hastily, and childishly, claimed shotgun. As they pulled out of the car park and made their way to the airport, David clearly took it upon himself to explain what would be happening to their new recruit.

"So we're going to pick up this other guy. Then we'll head back to the HQ. Hopefully the other two recruits will have arrived there in the mean time. Then we'll do introductions for everyone, and get you all kitted up! I just got a new shipment of weapons in so it'll be great." In the driver's seat, Laura's brow rose at the new shipment mentioned. She had long known that David was less than legal in his weapons, and thus the weapons that they used. At first it had bothered her, but after the same weapons had saved her life, she had become rather lax on it.

"How about we keep them on the basic stuff before we hand out weapons capable of levelling buildings Lieutenant." She felt the need to reprimand. Restraint had been a word in David's mental dictionary once. Possibly on a wanted poster, with the words "Dead Only" below it.

"Yeah sure. Anyway! We generally get called out every few days for big missions, when we're not doing that we can just hang round the base, or sometimes go out on patrol. It's the missions where the real fun happens though! Last team got taken out by some funky cyborg ninja's or something. It was all rather standard. They were pussies anyway! I'm sure you'll do well here Klingeng-klinger? Sylvia."

"Oh!" He added, as though a thought had just hit him. "Don't piss off the Captain, she get's angry quite easily."

"I'm right here!" Laura hissed, not pleased to hear her officer making her look bad in front of a new recruit.

"See what I mean?" He whispered. Loudly.
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Postby Coeur » May 30th, 2010, 6:03 pm

So this is it, eh? Calvin thought to himself as he looked up at the building which would be his new workplace. He'd counted himself quite lucky to get an apartment that was barely a block away from where he worked. Apparently houses in this area were going incredibly cheap... though the insurance was also frustratingly high. Still, it evened out well for him. And the landlady was such a hotty too!

Approaching building he entered through the car park, there were only six spaces, surrounded by a metal wire fence. A small sign stood next to a door. Employee Parking Only. All other cars will be firebombed. There was an angry face drawn next to it. Calvin chuckled at the joke.

The main doors were unlocked, open to the public, yet he was surprised to find the building completely empty. Not a single person to welcome him. The doors leading to what he assumed to be the more important areas were all locked but still... this didn't seem all that professional. It was then that he noticed a white envelope on a counter, by some long couches. Perhaps where people could comfortably wait while they helped them. It was addressed "New Recruit."

"Apologies that we are not present, we were required to transport two new recruits to the base. If you reach here before we return, wait our arrival. Do not touch anything. - Captain Laura Belmont.

A female captain!? Awesome. He hoped she was good looking, how amazing it would be to comfort her after a mission. She teary over how dangerous it had been... he, the big strong officer. Awesome!
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Postby HowlinJimmyJefferson » May 30th, 2010, 6:33 pm

Sylvia giggled. She considered correcting his abysmal attempt at pronouncing her last name, but decided against it. She was growing to like David already. There was a fun boyishness about him that made him charismatic and entertaining to speak to, though it was obvious by most of Laura’s reactions that he was quite a handful. ‘Oh, new weapons? That sounds fantastic.’ She scowled at the USP.45 she’d been given. To receive such a weapon in this day and age was an insult. ‘Somehow I don’t think I’ll be using this...’ she said, dismantling it and throwing the pieces out of the car window. ‘Or this.’ She ran her finger along the blade of the combat knife. How on earth was this meant to pierce even the standard armour terrorists were using nowadays?

Meanwhile...a few hundred miles away...

Jason got off the plane, finishing his bottle of beer. A British Army officer met him as he climbed down the stairs. ‘Good day to you, Colonel. Firstly, here I have as requested,’ the officer took a small box out of a little plastic bag, ‘your synthetic attachment.’
‘Cheers, laddie,’ said Jason, popping his eye in under his eye patch. The eye jittered and beeped as it resynchronised with his brain. ‘Oh, what about my rifle?’ Jason suddenly remembered. ‘Ah, yes your rifle... Listen, about that, there was an accident at HQ and I’m afraid your rifle was...well pretty much rendered useless.’
‘Lemme see, I’ll be the judge of that, pal.’
The officer had security fetch it for him. A moment later a large box with the words “FRAGILE” printed on was placed in front of Jason and opened by two security guards.
Jason almost laughed in surprise at what he was handed. ‘What on earth happened to this?! Did an elephant sit on it?!’ His rifle was bent in such a way that the tip was almost touching the magazine.
‘I don’t know what to tell you, colonel. I guess accidents happen.’ The officer smiled at him. Not the kind of smile that said “we’re sorry about your property” but the kind of smile that said “we just broke your toy and there’s not a damned thing you can do about it”.
‘Yeah...I guess they do’ replied Jason, tossing the ruined beauty to the ground.
‘Captain Belmont and Lieutenant Gaines will be arriving shortly,’ the officer said, ‘if you’d just like to follow me to the meeting point—‘
‘Hold on, mate. Where’s Agent White and Harrisson?’
‘Sorry, who?’
‘The two fellas who escorted me here from the institute. Never saw ‘em get off the plane as a matter o’ fact.’
‘Colonel, can we please just get to the meeting point?’ the officer began to walk away but Jason placed a hand on his shoulder, stopping him.
‘Somethin’ you’re not tellin’ me, brother?’ he calmly inquired.
‘Alright look, Macmillan,’ the officer sighed, ‘we’re all getting tired of this role-play. There is no Agent White, or Agent Harrisson you were escorted here by the LA—‘
‘No...’ Jason laughed nervously, ‘No tha’s ridiculous, I saw ‘em come here an’ take me from the DPAL institute of—‘
‘You were NOT at an institute, Jason. You were in a high security prison in the US. You were escorted here by two high security LAPD police officers. You know why, Jason? Because you’re a threat. A threat to the safety of the public.’
‘No. You’re wrong, lad. You’re wrong.’ The uneasiness could be heard in his voice. ‘I-I’m not a threat. I’m not even armed. I—ah, ha! If I didn’t come from the DPAL Institute, how do you explain the DPAL institute patient unifor...’ he trailed off as he looked at what he was wearing: a crisp three piece suit.
‘Gotta look smart for your first day at a new job, eh Jason?’ the officer’s frustrated look had become one of pity. This wasn’t the first time Jason had created such a lengthy scenario, and the agents were just two of many fictitious characters Jason had created. ‘Come on, Jason.’ He patted him on the back in a brotherly fashion. ‘I know it’s not easy, but we can’t have you like this in front of your new superiors.’ They walked in silence to the meeting point. ‘So, tell me about these agents, colonel,’ said the officer.
‘What agents?’
They both laughed, feeling the beginning of light drizzle hit their faces.
Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
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Postby DanteSilver » May 30th, 2010, 6:33 pm

Sitting on one of these convenient and comfy couches was a sunglasses-indoors-to-hide-and-mask-blinding-and-annoying-sunlight-from-sensitive-retinas clad Ania Borowska, her arms crossed and her feet up on the table. One of the Laura Belmont notes made into a paper airplane that, on its present course, would land somewhere nowhere the trash dispenser. She was reeling from last night, a wake-cum-serious cause for celebration that went on for hours and hours. Her old drill sergeant, not old in years but former, had recently died - brain tumour - and the regiment was called in for the funeral and the wake. The causes were unknown, he was healthy, relatively middle aged and stress free.

Who knew brain tumours were such party starters?

-----

Meanwhile, in a land - and probably galaxy - far far away, Harvey was happily drooling on an innocent civilian/fellow train commuter. His stop long gone, and his luggage long stolen, he was now a very poor, and very late new recruit to a paramilitary group he knew nothing about. Did he care? Heck no, man be drooling instead.
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Postby Coeur » May 30th, 2010, 6:59 pm

The squad car pulled into the airport, stopping at the little entrance ways they had, where people unloaded suitcases and bags. A nearby sign informed her she could stop for only 5 minutes. Not that anyone would willingly approach their car.

"Right." Laura shouted, perhaps louder than necessary. "In the interests of not causing some kind of international affair, I want you to stay here David." She quickly unstrapped herself and climbed out before he could argue, slamming the door closed and rushing inside. She didn't want to risk David in an airport, it was asking for something to happen.

Nothing stood out in the airport, there was the usual bustle of too many idiots cramped together, all staring at the same boarding signs as though the gates might change at the last minute. Just to $!$! them up! Then she noticed the people dressed like military. That must be it. Unless the army had gotten a serious budget cut and were sending their men to war via Easyjet.

"Good day Genlemen. I'm Captain Laura Belmont from the ASDF. Is this our new recruit?" One of them men looked like might reply before a voice interrupted.

"And I'm David Gaines. Also ASDF. Lieutenant." The voice made her cringe, even as she span around to level a glare lvl 5 on the poor soul. To give him credit, he smiled through it. Though there was a definite sense of nervousness. The girl, Sylvia, was behind him, an almost ashamed look on her face.

"I thought I told you to wait in the car. Lieutenant."

"Yes captain. I waited in the car. Then I followed after you once I had completed my orders." He wasn't stupid. She knew that, it was just that he knew how to blur the lines so you couldn't punish him accordingly. She'd find a way to make him suffer later.... yes she would... heh heh...

"Fine. Our new recruit gentlemen?"
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Postby Coeur » May 30th, 2010, 7:29 pm

Whoah babe-alert. Sector 6, white hair, exotic look. Foreign appeal. Look at those legs. Hells yes. Time for the Calvin-ator to make his move! Standing a little taller and rolling his shoulders a little he made his way over to the couch with the woman sat on it. Making sure to put a small smile on his face.

"A girl like you working here with me? I must be the luckiest man on Earth." He said aloud, sitting across from her, though on the edge of his seat. His knees were on either side of her own, close enough to almost touch. Reaching out he took her hand and planted a kiss on it. "Name's Calvin. Calvin Warner." He made sure to look deep into her eyes as he said it. "And let me be the first to welcome you to the A.S.D.F. Looks like we'll be partners from now on."

Oh man, she is definitely a nine outta ten!
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Postby HowlinJimmyJefferson » May 30th, 2010, 7:35 pm

‘A pleasure, Captain Belmont,’ Jason nodded, suddenly feeling rather silly in his suit.
‘I’ll leave you to it, guys,’ the officer said, walking off. It was obvious that he, just like the others, wanted nothing to do with this new wave service.
Jason clapped his hands together. ‘Well,’ he said smiling, ‘as you’re probably aware I’m Jason Macmillan, former colonel of the British Army.’ He looked at the other two, who seemed to be almost hiding behind Laura. ‘You must be Lieutenant David Gaines. It’s an honour, sir.’
He looked at the third person. Was she seriously a soldier? She looked like she’d crumble under the weight of a long range rife, let alone an RPG. An actress, maybe, but surely not a soldier. ‘Hmm, and unless I’m very much mistaken you are—‘
‘Sylvia Klingenberg,’ she spoke out, perhaps out of fear of having her name pronounced wrong again. 'Welcome aboard.'
‘Fantastic!’ Jason grinned. ‘I say this calls for a few beers.’
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Postby Coeur » May 30th, 2010, 7:45 pm

"Seconded!" David yelled happily, only to fall to the ground as Laura's fist impacted against his stomach.

"What he meant to say was not right now." She gritted out with a smile that fell a few miles short of pleasant. "It's a pleasure to have you on the team Jason, now let's get back to the car and to HQ."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a rather tense silence as they arrived outside. Or it was for three of them. The tall black man looked absolutely baffled. Laura's face had the stoney countenance of one who was considering precisely which way she wanted to commit mass murder. David had the kind of face that said he wanted to say something, but was afraid it would draw attention to him.

"David." Laura spoke after a long minute had passed.

"Sir!" He replied, saluting yet sweating.

"Where is the car?" For indeed there was no car there anymore, only a bright green sticker on the curb where it had been. A picture of a pick up truck with big eyes and a jolly expression on its face.

"It... appears... to have been towed.... sir...." It dragged off like the words had clung in his throat, trying to escape being uttered. He had the look of the damned on his face.

"I am going to kill you David. But after we walk to HQ. Because right now, you are going to carry Jason and Sylvia's luggage. Correct Lieutenant?"

"Yes sir! Looking forward to it sir! Can hardly wait!"

"Good boy." She praised, pulling out a gun and flicking the safety off. A Walther P99, old school, but it was a beauty to her. "Now MARCH!"
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Postby HowlinJimmyJefferson » May 31st, 2010, 2:38 pm

Both Sylvia and Jason almost called out ‘No, that’s quite OK we’ll carry our stuff,’ but Laura’s dead seriousness made them decide against it. Besides, neither of them carried much due to them both being unarmed. They both hung back, allowing them to talk without being heard over the sound of David’s loud marching.
‘So, what’s yer specialty?’ Jason asked.
‘Anything to do with knives. I used to work for the SIS before I...’ she trailed off, staring at Jason. He was tall, dark and handsome, and she could practically see his abs through his shirt. The eyepatch and du-rag only served to make him look more dangerous, and boy did she like dangerous... “Damnit, Sylvia, control yourself!” why did she have to be surrounded by such good looking people?
‘Before what?’ Jason smiled.
‘Uh, before I...left...I got bored.’
‘Really? How ‘bout that.’
There had to be more to it, he thought. No one simply walks away from an SIS job. Especially not a former lieutenant.
‘What about you,’ asked Sylvia. ‘Why did you leave?’
‘I erm...yeah it just wasn’t the job fer me.’
“No one earns the rank of colonel then simply leaves” Sylvia thought. She knew there had to be more to it than that.

[[AWKWARD SILENCE]]

‘So, you’re Scottish?’ Sylvia smiled.
‘Aye, what gave it away?’ Jason laughed.
‘Just a hunch.’
‘You’re not English, though. I mean don’t get me wrong, your accent is practically flawless, but you still come down on yer consonants a tad hard sometimes.’
‘Heh, you got me...’ Sylvia said, trying not to look too impressed with his sharp observation.
‘Judgin’ by yer name, you’re either German or Scandinavian. Which one?’
‘Actually, both. Father’s German, mother’s Swedish. They met in Russia under the same line of work. By the time my mother was pregnant they both decided they wanted to raise a child in England. They purchased one of the finest houses money could afford and immigrated there through their jobs. When I was born, it was decided I would learn my mother’s first language and my father’s first language before I learned English. Then I would be home schooled.’
‘You’re quite the story teller,’ teased Jason.
‘Hehe, what’s your story, then?’ Sylvia said, pointing at his eye patch.
‘Long time ago, I used to be interested in Science. I was workin’ on a new type of explosive an’...well I overlooked somethin’.
‘Oh...that’s unfortunate,’ said Sylvia, not really knowing how to react.
‘Aye, well everythin’ happens for a reason, lass.’
Though they travelled hundreds of miles on foot the journey seemed to fly by. Perhaps it would have killed those without army training...
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Postby DanteSilver » June 1st, 2010, 5:24 pm

Coeur wrote:Whoah babe-alert. Sector 6, white hair, exotic look. Foreign appeal. Look at those legs. Hells yes. Time for the Calvin-ator to make his move! Standing a little taller and rolling his shoulders a little he made his way over to the couch with the woman sat on it. Making sure to put a small smile on his face.

"A girl like you working here with me? I must be the luckiest man on Earth." He said aloud, sitting across from her, though on the edge of his seat. His knees were on either side of her own, close enough to almost touch. Reaching out he took her hand and planted a kiss on it. "Name's Calvin. Calvin Warner." He made sure to look deep into her eyes as he said it. "And let me be the first to welcome you to the A.S.D.F. Looks like we'll be partners from now on."

Oh man, she is definitely a nine outta ten!


Ania heard Calvin's voice booming in her ear like a klaxon but could not get away from it... or him for that matter. Instead of making a genuine attempt at getting away, she squirmed and squealed under his touch, probably looking like she was embarrassed by his show of 'courtesy.'

"If you're going to be my partner Calvin Warner," she said as she leaned her head back on the couch's rest, one hand pressed firmly upon her sunglasses to impress darkness upon more darkness, "be a dear and get me something cold to drink."

..."Preferably... non-alcoholic?"

----- Border of Scotland...

"S-s-s-so I owe how much?" a distressed Harvey said to the warden that had massed to deal with him.

"Up to £1000 Mr Strinzel, your ticket is not valid for the journey up here, so you're either a fare evader or some idiot that fell asleep..." a very brisk and uptight warden said, he obviously wanted a better and more megalomaniacal job than this. Like a teacher, surely?

"Can I claim the idiot?" he laughed, amiably aiming a punch at the second warden's, a petite Scottish 'lass', stomach. She leaped back in surprise and Harvey withdrew his hand, and holstered it like a gun.

"The £1000 Mr Strinzel, after you're done trying to assault my colleagues?" he was tapping his foot.

"Get this down, bill it to the A.S.D.F..." he began, and boy, this was going to be a long day to get back to where he was going...

Where was he going?
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Postby Coeur » June 1st, 2010, 5:50 pm

"Ye-yeah, of course!" He beamed, shooting to his feet and looking about, such a simple request and yet it threw him for a loop. Sure... just get her some water or something, in a building I don't know the slightest about. He spied a cabinet in the corner and approached it, finding it unlocked, he looked inside.

"What the...?" Rows of bottles and cans faced him, it was actually a fridge, but in the main building of a police station? And filled with.... well... alcohol. There wasn't even a can of cola or anything of a soft drink sort. Who would keep alcohol in a police station? It isn't like we can drink on duty... unless they had some staff party here? In fact alot about this main room wasn't making too much sense. It was huge, and he meant massive! Yet alot of it was open space. There were three sets of ... sitting areas, he supposed. A few couches surrounding a low table. There was even a pool table, and was that a dartboard next to it? This is more like some kind of recreation area... I feel like I've walked into the wrong job, and my real superiors will be waiting next door.... except the letter was from Captain Belmont...

Further searching was postponed as the main doors slammed open, a couple of heavily sweating individuals entering the building. He counted four in total. A black guy, a white guy... a short blonde with blue eyes and pale skin, nice pert breasts, and a tall willowy... silverette? Sod the hair, her face was pure sex and her breasts seemed to almost draw him in like a black hole. Those legs too. This job is awesomeee!

"Eh... Captain Belmont?" He hazarded, saluting and keeping his eyes on a spot between the two women so he didn't make a mistake. The blonde turned to look at him with an almost angry expression before calming down.

"Two of you are here? We're missing one person, but we can't wait much longer. Everyone line up." A few of the people moved haphazardly into formation. The tall silver haired beauty seemed to glide, while the woman he had been talking to earlier seemed to ... ooze? Stumble-crawl?

----

Laura surveyed her new recruits with a critical eye, mentally tallying what she assumed would be their abilities and how she might assign them. There wasn't really a proper posture between any of them. Two of them were exhausted, one seemed hungover, and the other nervously excited. David was having a heart attack on the floor by her feet.

"Welcome to the A.S.D.F - The Abnormal Situations Defence Force. From now on you are expected to be in the office each morning by seven am, until we deem the day is done." That tended to vary dependant upon when Laura got so frustrated that she told them all to piss off. "My name is Captain Laura Belmont. You may consider Captain as my first name. Or sir. You will follow my directions to the best of your abilities. In the event I am not available... and if you are desperate. And I mean desperate... then Lieutenant David Gaines is your second in command. Address questions to him. But try to come to me first." They didn't need a repeat of the RPG incident... christ, they were still finding bits oh him stuck to the ceiling.

"I want each of you to briefly step forward and introduce yourself to the team as a whole. State your name, experience and any abilities you feel might be pertinent. David! Give them an example."

He climbed to his feet, still breathing heavily but threw a clumsy salute anyway.

"Sir. I am David Gaines, your Lieutenant and Quartermaster for the ASDF. I deal with weaponry, heavy and light and you come to me with any requests or problems in regards to weapons. I have experience in the American military, where I served for six years, before coming to the ASDF. I'm proficient in all types of ranged weaponry, and piloting armour. My favourtie drink is Fosters, though I'm partial to a little vodka too... bout the only thing those russians got right... My star sign is scorpio and my favourite game is Halo, which I will kick your butt at."

Laura sighed in near pain, but waved for the others to begin. As the captain, she didn't feel the need to introduce herself. They would learn of her in time.[/i]
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Postby DanteSilver » June 2nd, 2010, 11:57 am

"Ania Borowska," she sighed out between the swooning of such sudden movement after so long in a stationary position, "cerebrally exhausting and unmatched when it comes to using any kind of firearm. I was actually on my way with someone else, a... bomb tech, kinda grizzled looking, one eye? Anyone know where --" Ania stopped talking when she saw a grizzled looking one eyed man in the line.

But he's black Ania, it can't be him, can it? she thought, though thinking made her sway, and swaying was also cerebrally exhausting. Whilst fighting the unseen enemy of balance, Ania broke the Captain's protocol of line up and say a few words about yourself, and uneasily approached who she thought was her grizzled looking one eyed bomb tech.

"You've... you've got a lot of nerve!" she said, raising a finger slowly.
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Postby HowlinJimmyJefferson » June 2nd, 2010, 3:55 pm

Ania's accusation somewhat killed the fading laughter from David's Halo joke. 'What, me?' Jason asked, looking utterly confused. Sylvia stepped forward, as Ania didn't seem to stop advancing on Jason. 'Come on, guys, this really isn't necessary. We're all tired, sweaty and...' Ania's appearance had only just dawned on Sylvia. She was quite possibly the most exotic looking woman she'd ever seen, even when hung over. "Borowska" she thought, "has to be Russian." She let out a sigh as if a refreshing wave of water had just thrown itself through her.
'...and?' Jason urged her to finish her sentence.
'and we...probably just erm...need...a shower.'
'You alright, lass?'
'Yes...just fine.'
She got back in line, clearly embarrassed at her own sudden display of strange behaviour.
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