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A.S.D.F - Comedy Police RP. (INVITE ONLY. P.m. me.)

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A.S.D.F - Comedy Police RP. (INVITE ONLY. P.m. me.)

Postby Coeur » May 13th, 2010, 4:02 pm

So this is an idea I had for a novel for a while, however I don't think I'll be able to pull that off, as it will be a little too "episodic", with no overhanging plot or storyline to drive it. It would work much better as a manga or comedy series, but as an RP, it should work quite well. I'll explain the plot and then the rules, apologies if "rules" sounds arrogant, i simply mean guidelines, and what should be avoided.

STORYLINE- This is humour, so written as a parody, all opinions, slanders, racist or otherwise, are accepted as FUN and jokes.

The year is 2021, though the war on terror is now fading into history, other horrors have not receeded quite so willingly. Gang warfare has come into fashion, and organised terrorism is the new name of the game. With the growing power of large organisations and the easy transfer of data and money, it's become possible for those with the wealth, to commission not only their own armies, but also research into genetics, robotics, and advanced weaponry. Some of these situations resolved themselves, failures and business takeovers, etc. But occasionally the situation spiralled a little out of control. It only takes a few cases of rabid mutations running down the streets of Manchester before people begin to get concerned. (Early calls were for more blocks on immigration - but the authorities soon figured out these weren't eastern Europeans.)

Police forces were spread thin, dealing with situations they lacked the equipment or training for, and mobilising the army wasn't financially (nor politically) realistic. Thus it was, that the - A.S.D.F was born.

Image

(Forgive the horrid image, it was drawn on paint, so i lacked alot of material...)

The A.S.D.F would deal with situations within the borders of the United Kingdom, which fell beyond the jurisdiction or training of the local police forces. In theory they would act as a last line of defence against internal threats to the country. They would have equipment and training based on a military special forces team, and be beyond the normal rights of police officers. However, they would not be tied to political parties or orders, and thus could not be called to war. Generally autonomous and fast-reacting, they would be composed of some of the most talented and qualified individuals from all the other forces. Reccomendations were to be sent immediately.

The theory was sound. The reality was not so. Angered or jealous, many commanders saw the opportunity to unload the people they did not wish in their own forces. Rejects, failures, those who had scraped by the entrance exams by what could only be called miraculous terms. Morons, psychotics, and those with mental problems, all were dumped upon the ASDF. The result was immediate. Though they still funtioned, somewhat, in their given task, their reputation was quickly tarnished and they were considered a joke to army and police, alike. To be laughed at, scorned, and generally avoided! - Idiots with heavy weaponry after all!!!

Mutants, killer robots, and terrorist incursions, the threats to the country and crown are numerous. And if all that can stand between them and anarchy, are a bunch of morons? Well... more fear to them.


Rules - Again, apologies if this sounds arrogant.

1) Main character's have to be a part of the ASDF. I realise there will be other factions, but because these are episodical, they may change quickly, so we could even run an "episodes program" where the BIG EVIL, each time, is controlled by a different person.

2) This is a humour, keep things amusing and even slapstick if needs be. Your characters can be competent of course, but personality quirks are much appreciated. if in doubt try an extreme - Coward, pervert, nymphomaniac, pyromaniac, Medic who is Haemophobic xD, IQ of about 70, Emo, etc... funny stuff. Generally the only normal character will be the captain (where there, the humour will come from her being driven to near insanity by having to lead everyone else.)

3) No super human abilities. Stat. You can be a martial artist, or know the katana and way of the samurai... but put it at a cost, like you're such a samurai you refuse to use guns, so the military kicked you out. You're a demon at close range but,... well, yeah... getting there aint so easy. :D

4) Please try to keep grammar skills up. I understand mistakes, of course, but if there are so many in an entry that it becomes difficult to read, then there can be problems. If you find you keep making some, try writing your entry in word first, use spellcheck, then paste it into animecrave.
Last edited by Coeur on May 29th, 2011, 10:29 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby Coeur » May 13th, 2010, 4:15 pm

Please feel free to have multiple characters, though try not to go crazy xD.

There are no high ranks available, the RP starts with only the captain and the lieutenant having survived a recent mission, so everyone else is the "new recruits" just in!

Name : Laura Belmont
Rank : Captain
Age : 22
Sex : Female
Description : Standing at only five foot six, Laura's slight frame is belied by piercing blue eyes and a frown that can convince a criminal not only to hand himself in, but committ ritual suicide as well. Blonde hair in a french braid over one shoulder, she has pale skin and a small nose. Attractive in a striking way, though nothing exotic or special.
Bio : Laura Belmont is an accomplished veteran, having served in an SAS team with high distinction, she was the officer chosen by officials to lead the ASDF. It was unfortunate that the same officials didn't chose any of the others.
Personality : Very authoritarian and harsh, time in the ASDF with people who simply WILL not follow orders has given her an attitude that whatever works - works. Still she tries her best to maintain some discipline over the unruly children, much to her anger when it fails.

It's worth pointing out that unless your quirk goes around it, everyone has basic military training, so unless it's something extra, an "abilities" tab won't really be needed.

I had to resist the urge to use Riza Hawkeye here, she simply wasn't the look i was going for. This aint so good either, imagine this girl, but typical expressions are angry, exasperated.
Image
Last edited by Coeur on May 14th, 2010, 7:29 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Coeur » May 13th, 2010, 4:22 pm

Name : David Gaines
Rank : Lieutenant.
Age: 26
Sex: Male.
Description: David stands in at five foot eleven inches, short brown hair falling in a rugged fringe across his brow, he has an angular face with a light brown stubbly beard. A roguish grin usually takes over his features, and there is generally a disturbing twinkle in his grey eyes.
Bio : David is an American from birth, and by GOD an American at heart. Having served in the military David was discharged after failing to heed an order to stop fighting, and a few petty accounts of weapon theft too... really, it was more a spoils of war thing. Obsessed with weapons and how you use them, David is the quartermaster for the ASDF and his contacts in (usually illegal) weapons dealings make sure the ASDF have the most up to date, and brutal weapons available. With a tendancy to ignore (improve-upon) orders given to him, David is usually the first to run into an enemy compound and if there are people in his way, well it all makes for a mighty kill count!

Image
(yeah it's solid snake lol, couldn't find an anime guy with a brown beard, so he was closest...)
Last edited by Coeur on May 14th, 2010, 7:27 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby DanteSilver » May 14th, 2010, 6:31 am

Name: Harvey Strinzel.
Rank: First Sergeant.
Age: 28.
Sex: Male.
Biography: Harvey is someone who has a thing for machinery. Maybe it's a German thing. You name it, he can fix it, he can create it, he can create a better it. His proficiency with all things synthetic is the main reason why he has been drafted into the A.S.D.F. What he missed out on his application was that he suffers from several deconstructive-to-his-job-description disabilities. Harvey is with the EOD: Explosives Ordnance Disposal - he is also a raging narcoleptic. You can see where this is going.. During one particular disposal, Harvey was disarming a car bomb and fell asleep. The blast knocked him several feet and he lost his hands and his left eye in the aftermath. Now Harvey must travel with the latest advancements in prosthetics and cybernetic hands in order to do what he does.
Personality: What personality? He is as personable as a hydrogen bomb. Although he likes hydrogen bombs. Very much.
Appearance:

Image

Name: Ania Borowska.
Rank: 2nd Lieutenant.
Age: 25.
Sex: Female.
Biography: A disarmingly beautiful woman who has lost all those around her to the same disease, Ania Borowska has become something of an albatross for all the Armed Forces that she has served. What it is about her that makes people contract brain tumours and die oh so painfully, no one really knows, but it has plagued her life since she was a child. No wonder that when the A.S.D.F. came calling, her apparent brain tumour inducing talent was kept under wraps.
Personality: Something of a sadist. Whether that has anything to do with her asymptomatic viral epidemic status or not, has yet to be proved by a court of law. Although, when she's not killing people slowly and cerebrally, she's usually filling them with bullets.
Appearance:

Image
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Postby Coeur » May 14th, 2010, 9:25 am

My 3rd and final character, and this is a quick example from me, of how to make a quick comedy character, by taking some normal human traits too far.

Name: Calvin Warner
Age: 20
Rank: Private
Sex: Yes please!
Bio: Calvin is a freshly graduated police officer, just out of training, he has little combat experience but was selected for the ASDF because he flirted a little too much with his comanding officer.
Personality: Calvin is an absolute coward with little to no combat experience or abilities beyond basic training. He is also a complete pervert, whose desperation to lose his virginity has resulted in him keeping it far longer than needs be. The reason he joined the police was because all girls love a man in uniform. A complete idiot around women, he simply believes he is chatting them up the right way, after all, all women love being called babe, right? Right? CALL ME!!!

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Postby HowlinJimmyJefferson » May 19th, 2010, 2:43 pm

Name: Jason Macmillan
Rank: Colonel (pre ASDF)
Age: 27
Sex: Male
Biography: Despite being born and raised in Scotland, Jason is of African-Caribbean descent. With an average IQ of 158, Jason was well on his way to becoming one of the best scientists of his age...that is, until the unfortunate results of an experiment caused him to lose his left eye. Showing a sudden dislike to science, much to his parents’ dismay, Jason began to develop other interests, such as dismantling old sniper rifles he had managed to get hold of. At the age of 18, Jason joined the British Army after his parents mysteriously went missing. As he quickly climbed the ranks, his ability with snipers did not go unnoticed and he was eventually promised a new eye powered by synthetic technology, perfecting his already deadly accuracy. However, after one day sniping a switch detonating 40,000 blocks of C4, killing approximately 118 hostages, Jason was immediately arrested. Convinced the sergeant wouldn’t do such a thing intentionally, his commanding officer personally interviewed him and to his horror found out he was taking orders from another commanding officer...one that not only was not on record, but didn’t exist. After further examination was conducted, Jason was diagnosed with type 1 schizophrenia. This was followed with multiple treatments of cognitive behavioural therapy, electro-convulsive therapy and even psychosurgery. Sadly, none of these could cure his condition, which actually worsened as time went on. Though he appeared to develop the condition some time after receiving his eye, no link between this and his mental condition were ever found.
It’s been five years since Jason was placed inside a mental hospital for the criminally insane. However, the creation of the ASDF gave the military an excuse to finally discharge him. “An almost flawless sniper” the report said. The bit about his condition, huh? What condition...?
Personality: A charismatic ‘one eyed black guy’. Oh and he likes to drink beer. A lot of beer.
Appearance:


Image
Last edited by HowlinJimmyJefferson on May 20th, 2010, 5:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby HowlinJimmyJefferson » May 20th, 2010, 6:38 am

Name: Sylvia Klingenberg
Rank: Lieutenant (pre ASDF)
Age: 23
Sex: female
Biography: Though half German, half Scandinavian, Sylvia was brought up in England by her two wealthy parents. Discovering her superior ability with computers and all things concerning hacking at the early age of 16, she signed up to the British Secret Intelligence Service (dismissing fairly obvious signs of hypersexuality as simply ‘teenage hormones’). After two and a half years of training, Sylvia joined the SIS as one of the best in her field of work. However, her disorder only continued to get worse. By the time she turned 20, Lieutenant Klingenberg suffered from full blown nymphomania. Having bribed most of the men through sexual favours to keep her condition quiet, Sylvia kept a ‘clean’ record. However, after discovering her Captain could not be bribed in the same way, she made the mistake of disarming him and tying him up naked in his own office while she attempted to exercise some of her stranger fantasies on him. It was a matter of minutes before she was caught and arrested. Discovering the true nature of her condition, Sylvia was lucky enough to escape a serious prison sentence. She was, however, suspended from duty until the SIS decided what to do with her. Luckily for them, an easy solution was already in development.
Two and a half years later (during which Sylvia developed an odd fascination with knives) the ASDF was formed and former Lieutenant Sylvia Klingenberg was transferred there immediately, followed by a flawless report. Oh, did I mention she is bisexual? Her report didn’t mention it either...
Personality: Sporadic, sneaky, stylish, sensual, sadistic and sexually twisted; Sylvia is a dangerous disaster waiting to happen...a very sexy dangerous disaster...
Appearance: (Had trouble finding an image I liked for her. Though I eventually settled on Inner Moka from some vampire thang I couldn't find images that represented Sylvia very well)

Image
(This would have been her while she was still a Lieutenant)

http://media.photobucket.com/image/anim ... e_girl.gif Perfect if her hair wasn't red.
http://akashiyaxmoka.deviantart.com/art ... iya&qo=170 Good, but it's fan art. The badly drawn lines ruin it.
http://kurogane.animeblogger.net/image/ ... c_moka.jpg Good, but ruined by Japanese credits.
Last edited by HowlinJimmyJefferson on May 20th, 2010, 5:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Coeur » May 20th, 2010, 7:13 am

(Ha ha, love those intro's people. I thought we could start now, and others could be those who were assigned to the ASDF but were late in arriving or such. - We thought to have each character do an intro of them being assigned to the ASDF. It can be as long or short as you fancy, and either deal with the direct incident for which they're assigned, or just deal with the aftermath, and their superiors sending them off.)

"This sucks." The single male occupant of the room complained, leaning back precariously on his chair so that only two legs balanced on the floor. A trail of smoke was rising from his cigarette as he stared at the ceiling.

Captain Laura Belmont looked up from her paperwork with a small frown on her face, not even surprised at the interruption. She was more surprised it had taken him over 12 seconds to bother her.

"You're not in uniform." She murmered, taking note of his loose denim jeans and black shirt.

"Nah, that doesn't suck." He responded, either missing her point of ignoring it. "I mean that we have to get new recruits. I was just getting used to the last batch. I can't believe Johnson quit too.. I mean, he didn't even die."

"Yes well, you did put a live claymore mine in his locker." Though when dealing with David that was more a sign of affection.

"Heh, good times. He was picking shrapnel out of his arse for hours. Anyways, you know anything about the new recruits?" Ah yes.. new recruits, that was the cause of her latest headache. She'd received the preliminary reports, glowing as usual. She wouldn't receive the full psyche reports until a later time. Usually when it was too late to do anything about it.

"The reports look ... promising." She replied, her voice sounding like she had been trying to find a nice way of describing dog vomit. There was a general rule the two of them had, a code if you will. The better a report looked, the more likely it was to lie. Or in layman's terms; Behind every silver lining, is a meteorite waiting to strike.

As if it were cued into her thoughts, a keening siren sounded across the office, causing her to sigh as she looked up at the blinking red light on the ceiling. David's cigarettes had finally set off the smoke alarm... she knew what was coming nex- Three gunshots interrupted her thoughts, exploding loudly as the alarm took on a more pained squeal, before a final blast put the poor thing out of its misery. She looked down at David, who had somehow managed to remain balanced on two chair legs, despite the recoil of his Beretta - now aimed at the ceiling.

"Heh... you have the right to remain silent, bitch."

*Sigh*. Just another day in the office.
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Postby Coeur » May 20th, 2010, 10:02 am

*Meanwhile, millions of miles away.*

"Congratulations to all of you who have passed your final police examinations. Many of you will go onto new and exciting positions within the country." This was it, what he had been working towards. He was a fully fledged officer now, shint badge and all! "Report to the assignments desk, and good luck to all of you!"

Luck, eh? He wouldn't need that now. Sparkling badge, striking uniform. He could already see the looks in their eyes, the admiration! Oohh, officer Calvin, please be gentle with me . . . I've been a naughty girl. . .

"Why of course I will be...." He leered, a blush taking over his features as he imagined it.

"Excuse me?" A feminine voice asked, drawing his attention to the woman sitting at the computer before him. "Are you here for your assignments?" Blonde hair, confused expression, blue eyes...

"That's right beautiful." He replied with a wink. "Though I wouldn't mind working in your department, maybe even closer." Ahh yeah, he was good.

"Ehh... I have a boyfriend... thanks..." She stuttered back, waving her hands in front of her face. No doubt she was embarassed at his attention.

"I'm not surprised, but a girl like you... you could have a hundred boyfriends. For you, I'd share." He followed his words through by leaning on her desk, smiling a winsome smile.

"Ehhh!" She exclaimed, no doubt lost for words at his. It was almost too easy. "I think I know the perfect place for you." She replied after a little silence, this time her voice more confident. She was looking at him out of the corner of her eyes, obviously she was checking him out! A grin lit up his features. "How about a special services who defend the entire country?"

"Defending the country eh? For you, I'd face a thousand enemies. If only to see you waiting for me when I return."

"Ehhhh.... okay, it's done. You're part of the A.S.D.F now, a para-military special services team, one of the best! You'll receive your briefing in the post, bye!" She quickly left the office after saying it. How cute, he reduced her to such embarassment, what a shame as well...

Still, he got himself into such a specialist team? Heh, the old Calvin charisma strikes again. Hell yeah!

The girls loved him!
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Postby DanteSilver » May 26th, 2010, 3:46 am

(I will post tonight - wait in hot anticipation, drool perhaps :))
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Postby HowlinJimmyJefferson » May 26th, 2010, 3:52 am

(Same here - was gonna post now but I have to leave for college in 15 minutes. =P)
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Postby HowlinJimmyJefferson » May 29th, 2010, 2:09 pm

‘This the place then?’
‘Yeah, this is it.’
Two grand gates, royal in design, stood guarding a large brick coloured building. The sign to the right of the gates just above the buzzer read: “The DPAL Institute for the Criminally Insane”
‘What the hell does DPAL stand for?’
‘F**k if I know, man.’
Two men stood before these grand gates. Both British and both dressed in long beige overcoats, black bowler hats, wearing lightly tinted rimless glasses. The man on the right had short neatly trimmed mousey brown hair and had shaved so closely that it didn’t look like he was even capable of growing facial hair. The other man, however, was shorter. He had dark tight curls, and a square goatee making him look more Spanish than actually British. The man on the right pushed the buzzer. About 30 seconds past before a lazy American voice crunching his breakfast cereal replied.
‘Yeah?’
‘Good afternoon, sir. I’m Agent White and this is my associate Agent Harrisson. We’re from the British Department of Criminal Justice and we are here to visit patient #233.
‘Oh, right...yeah, I never heard of that. Sorry can’t let’cha in.’
‘Excuse me?!’
‘Hahaha, I’m jus’ fuckin’ with ya, man. Come on in.’
The two agents exchanged puzzled looks as the large gates slowly opened.
‘Oh, but you will be required to present proper identification upon entry. So yeah, have that ready and stuff. Walk down the center path, hit the double doors. Can’t miss it, fellas.’ The mic cut off. He appeared to be done. ‘...the hell is this place?’ Harrisson asked rhetorically.
They walked down the centre path as instructed. Upon each side the vibrant green grass and flower beds lay in perfect symmetry. They approached the castle-like mansion and went through the double doors as instructed. However, they weren’t quite ready for what they saw. The lobby alone was almost the size of a small airfield. Huge paintings lined the walls, snooker tables and wine cabinets occupied some corners and a fireplace the size of a small house sat comfortably in the centre of the right wall. ‘What is this, a f**king hotel?’ snarled Harrisson. ‘Gentlemen! Or should I say “agents”’ the man giggled at his own sarcasm. He was a short little man. Messy brown hair, light stubble, but a huge grin that seemed to compensate for the rest of his average features. He put down his bowl of cereal on the desk before coming to shake their hands. ‘Welcome to the DPAL Institute of bla bla bla, bla bla bla.’ They both awkwardly flashed their badges. ‘I’d go through the dos and don’ts with ya but I’ve really gotta run. If you lovely agents would be so kind as to place your firearms on the front desk, we can take you to your patient.’
‘Wait a minute, you think I’m about to disarm myself in this crazy shithouse?’ White said. The small man looked deadly serious for all of 5 seconds before he burst out laughing. ‘Haha! Oh, you British! Comin’ here with your cute accents and whacko procedures—‘
‘Tell me, Mr...’
‘Neerg.’
‘Mr...Neerg. Tell me,’ White said, trying to keep himself from exploding with anger, ‘are all of your staff as crazy as your patients?’
‘Some of us...’ The small man put his hands out. ‘Your weapons, gentlemen?’
Reluctantly, both agents placed their pistols in his hands. Two men in lab coats quickly came and sealed them in small blue plastic bags. The man grinned widely again.
‘Fantastic. The warden will be here any minute now. Gentlemen,’ he said, placing his hands on both of their shoulders, ‘it’s been a pleasure, but you’ll have to excuse me.’

After being lead through a 20 minute maze of rooms, corridors and stairs, the two agents and the warden arrived at room #233.
‘Here you are, gentlemen. And once again, I apologise for our security man’s behaviour.’ The warden smiled warmly.
‘That’s okay. We’ll take it from here.’ White said.
‘As you wish.’
Harrisson knocked on the door, a little harder than he initially intended.
‘Come in,’ the voice behind it answered. A metallic smell filled their nostrils as they entered. The room itself must have been plain. A simple bed, desk and wardrobe were the only real objects it contained. However, bolts, screws, pieces of metal, plastic, cardboard lay everywhere; and at the desk sat the “Black Scottish Cyclops” as he’d been affectionately nicknamed. Various schematics covered his desk, all edited with crossings out, marks, numbers. He continued to scribble despite the unexpected presence.
‘Well if it isn’t the crazy, treacherous colonel... Killed any more innocents lately?’ Harrisson inquired.
Jason placed his tiny spectacles on his desk and swivelled his chair around to face them. ‘Want me to kill two more?’ he calmly said smiling. A clear and pleasant but fairly strong Scottish accent.
‘Oh, really? You wanna try that, you f**king—‘
White pulled Harrisson back, allowing Jason a triumphant smile. ‘Save the formalities, lads,’ he said sarcastically, turning back to his work. ‘You two didn’t come here to check up on me. You came here ‘cause ye want somethin’ from me.’ He paused for a moment. ‘Haven’t you taken enough?’
‘Well, you can either rot here whining about what we’ve taken for the rest of your miserable life, or you could come with us. We’re transferring you to the ASDF. They could use men with your...talent,’ White explained.
‘And if I say no?’
‘Then I guess you’ll be stuck in this loony bin for the rest of your days.’
Jason knew that wasn’t the only consequence for denying their offer. They’d find a way of getting to him. They’d eventually hunt him down and kill him. Maybe they’d poison his food, or release a vicious animal into his room while he slept. Yeah, that’s what they’d do. ‘I want my eye,’ he replied after a minute of silence.
‘What?’
‘And my L115A3 long range rifle. I want my eye and my rifle.’
‘What do you mean you want your eye?’
‘You know exactly what I mean.’
‘Alright...’ White said, exasperated. ‘We’ll see to it that you get your eye.’
‘And my rifle.’
‘Yeah, and your f**king rifle. We done with the negotiations?’
‘Aye, I think we’re done.’
‘Good. We’ve sorted out your report and the legal issues with the institute. We will be picked up by an armoured police van, ETA 25 minutes, arriving at the airport in ETA in 232 minutes to catch the 19:49 to the UK. Your hands please, Macmillan.’
Jason put his hands on the desk feeling the cuffs fit heavily on his wrists.
‘Alright,’ Harrisson said, leading Jason out of the room. ‘How the hell do we get out of here?’
Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
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Postby HowlinJimmyJefferson » May 29th, 2010, 5:14 pm

The phone had been ringing incessantly for about 3 minutes now. Who on earth was calling at this ridiculous hour? At last, Sylvia mustered the energy to climb out of bed and pick up the phone. ‘Who is it?’ she answered, still half asleep.
‘Lieutenant Klingenberg. It’s been quite some time.’
She’d have recognised that formal 80s style voice anywhere.
‘Oh! My goodness! John? Um, I mean, Captain?’
‘He he, is this a bad time for you, Lieutenant?’ he laughed dryly.
‘No. No not at all.’
The clock read 05:37. The dull amber light from a nearby street lamp crept through the crack in her curtains, casting silhouettes of the furniture. The lump on the other side of the bed began to stir. ‘urgh, who you talking to?’ She hissed at him to be quiet.
‘Alright, well I’ve got some good news for you. We’re putting you back to work starting from tomorrow.’
‘Really? That’s...that’s great!’ her face lit up, even in the dark. Oh how she had missed the strong bodies of men in military uniform, unlike the trash she brought home from those 24 hour bars now. She scowled at the lump in her bed.
‘Yes. You’re being transferred to the ASDF—‘
‘The AS-what?’ she interrupted, the smile fading from her face.
‘Ha ha, nothing to worry about, Lieutenant. The Abnormal Situations Defence Force is a new paramilitary special services team. You’ll be dealing with some of the most dangerous situations out there. Think you’re up to the challenge?’
Clearly his question was rhetorical. ‘Yes. I accept, Captain.’
‘Wonderful. We’ll have two soldiers pick you up tomorrow. You’ll be brought to HQ to arm yourself with whatever you need then you’ll be picked up by two ASDF officers. Sound good?’
‘Yes, sir.’
‘Oh and Lieutenant?’
‘Yes?’
‘Behave!’
He put the phone down. Sylvia climbed back into bed, thinking about what exactly she had just agreed to. The idea of going back to work was highly appealing, but she couldn’t help but feel something was wrong this unexpected phone call. She went over the conversation in her head “You’ll be brought to HQ to arm yourself with whatever you need then you’ll be picked up by two ASDF officers.” Was this the nice way of saying “take what you need and f**k off”? She’d find out later.
‘Was it really necessary to phone your friend at this hour?’ the lump had decided to speak again. She smelt the fading stench of alcohol on his breath. How could she have sunk this low? ‘Well since we’re both awake now, how about some love?’
‘Get out.’ She suddenly said, vicious with anger.
‘Ha ha, wha’? C’mon babe, don’t be like that.’ She could feel his hand touching her thigh, trying to get in between her legs.
‘I said get the f**k out!’
She kicked him away, knocking him right off the bed. For a woman so slender, she was incredibly strong. Then again, with all her obsessive training, why wouldn’t she be?
‘Ow oh, wh-what the hell it’s like 5am babes you expect me to leave now or something?’
‘Do you want your voice to go four octaves higher? If not I suggest you leave. Now.’
‘Alright alright fine I’m going...f**king women are crazy...’
He staggered to the door while she threw his clothes at him to hurry him up. At last the door slammed shut and the drunken slob was gone. Sylvia sat up in bed, looking towards the crack of amber light that blared through her curtains. Poor girl, all she wanted was a nice strong man (or woman) who could satisfy and cuddle her instead of the usual crap she seemed to attract. She thought of her condition; how it affected her life, the way people thought of her, her attitude to sex... A tear rolled down her face as she took a swig of vodka from the large bottle on her bedside table. Then, probably due to a self defence mechanism, she fell asleep.

Her training began like every other day. 9am was advanced aerobic exercises which would last until her body could literally not do it anymore. After that was knife throwing and aiming. She had dedicated an entire room to this. It could be rather dangerous without the right amount of space. A sharp knock at the door indicated these were likely to be the soldiers who had come to escort her.
‘Lieutenant Klingenberg? I’m Corporal Tims accompanied by Corporal Jonas. We’re here to escort you to Base where you will be picked up by the ASDF.’
‘Door’s open, honey’ she called back.
The two soldiers walked in, wondering which room all the noise was coming from.
‘So, Miss Klingenberg,’ Tims said, at last finding her training room, ‘If you could just collect your—oh...oh my...’
Sylvia turned around, smiling. ‘Please, darling, call me Sylvia.’
‘I-I’m so sorry, Miss Klingenb—uh, Miss Sylvia, I- I mean, if I’d known you’d be—I--if this is a bad time—‘
‘What, you’ve never seen a naked woman before?’ she took out the band tying her hair back, releasing her long flowing silver streaks which almost seemed to sparkle in the afternoon sun.
‘Huh? No. I mean...well, yeah, of course I have, I just...’
‘Yes?’ Sylvia giggled and she started to slowly walk towards him. ‘Did you know that you can move up to 30% faster completely unclothed? You’re also much less likely to be detected by devices sensitive to sound and movement. And without your clothing in the way? Even your aim can be more accurate.’ She was right next to him now. She could feel him almost sweating from the close proximity. She had been training for hours and the rich smell of expensive perfume lingered around her.
‘Mi-Miss Sylvia, please,’ he said nervously, ‘If you could just pick up what you need, we--’
But Sylvia, grabbing his crotch, had other plans in mind...
‘He he he, is that SIG P229 in your pants? Or are you just happy to see me?’
‘Lieutenant Klingenberg! I really don’t think this is appropriate right now! We really must lea—‘
‘Everything alright in there, sir?’ Jonas called out from the doorway.
Tims composed himself. ‘Yeah, just fine, we’re about to leave, aren’t we, Lieutenant?’
‘If your gun wasn’t so ready to shoot...’ Sylvia said, pressing her mouth against his neck and biting gently, ‘I’d say you were gay.’
She walked to the other side of the room, dressed herself and collected her arsenal of knives. ‘Ready when you are, honey. Oh, do you need a minute?’ She said smiling, looking at his trousers again.
Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
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Postby Coeur » May 29th, 2010, 6:09 pm

"Wait, we need to pick up one of our new members? What the hell man?" The grizzled American complained, even though they were already tearing through the streets in a squad car. The time to complain would have been twenty minutes ago, but never let it be said David missed an opportunity.

"For the tenth time. Yes we are picking one up, from MI: Bloody 6 no less. So please at least try not to cause a scene. This is practically Her Majesty's secret service." And no doubt they would be pompous windbags as well. Still, it wasn't every day they gained a member with an actual qualification, other than killing shit, so Laura was willing to go out of her way.

"Yeah yeah, best behaviour, don't kill anyone. I'll be good mom." He made to laugh only to let out a surprised yell as she swerved the car, making his head smash painfully against the window. "Oh God, I'm sorry - fine!" Ah yes, Laura knew how to handle her men. Approaching the main building she pulled into the employee car park, turning off the engine and climbing out. A man in a suit quickly approached them.

"I'm sorry but this is employee only parking." He began waving his arms as he came near them. Then he spied the logo on the side and seemed to freeze up, a thin sheen of sweat beading on his brow.

"Hey man, no worries!" David shouted, slinging an arm over his shoulder. He pulled out his wallet and flashed his badge. "You see the badge? This means we're practically employees."

"Yes sir but-" Though he had put his badge away, the man's eyes widened as David pulled out a Beretta.

"You see this gun? That means there are no buts..."

"Yes.... sir...." The security choked out, looking utterly miserable. He let out a quick yelp as the man hanging on him hit the floor hard, Laura frowning down at the American she had tripped.

"This is not best behaviour! That said, I'm sure there are no complaints now? Good." David had only partially climbed to his feet when Laura grabbed his arm, dragging him towards the main doors as he stumbled to right himself. It was generally best to keep him this way, lest his mind wander and some building explode.

"Well, well. If it isn't trash disposal." A snide voice remarked as they entered, a black suited man having been waiting for them.

"Well, well. If it isn't some trash." Laura replied with a glare that made him step back. "I'm here for my new recruit, and if I don't get her soon, I let the American loose. Being that you have so much information, I'm sure you know of his.... tendancies."

"No wait! I mean..." He coughed to compose himself, keeping a wary eye on the smiling American, that he did indeed know about. The only reason he was allowed into the forces was because they felt it was better to arm and aim him, rather than let this blight on humanity loose among the public. "Lieutenant Sylvia Klingenberg will be here shortly. She is simply gathering some supplies."
But of all Pain, the greatest Pain.
It is to love, but love in vain.
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Postby HowlinJimmyJefferson » May 29th, 2010, 6:43 pm

The army van pulled up at the headquarters. Captain Wilkins eagerly waited to greet them, as if he didn’t want anyone else knowing who had just arrived.
‘Corporal Tims, Jonas, report to base immediately.’
‘Sir...’ Tims whispered, ‘Do you have any idea how screwed up this chick is?’
‘More than you know, Corporal. Move it.’
They quickly headed out of site.
‘How’ve you been, Lieutenant?’ he tried his best to look pleased to see her. After all, they both remembered what she had tried to do to him all those years ago.
‘Great.’ She smiled back shaking his hand firmly.
‘Captain Belmont and Lieutenant Gaines are here already. We’re heading to the weapons depot now to arm you.’
Shortly after arriving there, Sylvia realised her “take what you need and $!$! off” hypothesis had been correct. Not just guns, but old guns! Some were even obsolete. None of them were her style either. Too loud, too big... Reluctantly taking a USP.45 and a combat knife, she bid farewell to her old captain. “one job ends, another begins” she thought, heading over to the two people standing near an ASDF squad car.
Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
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